Hello, friends! I have written another book.

Among the Wildflowers is the second book in my Greyfin Bay series, the sequel to Heartwaves.

Like all my books, though, each should be able to stand alone; you do not have to read Heartwaves to read this one. Reading Heartwaves, in this specific case, will definitely give you more context, as one of the main characters of Among the Wildflowers is Luca Yaeger, who features somewhat prominently in Heartwaves as the guy one of the main characters of that book was in a situationship with. This is my series about mess!!

I will say, though, that I think Heartwaves is a much heavier book than Among the Wildflowers, and as such, if you haven’t read either and aren’t in the mood for heavier themes, you can feel free to skip Heartwaves and jump right into Wildflowers! (While I do, of course, hope you go back and visit Mae and Dell someday.) I was really excited, in the first book, to build out the town of Greyfin Bay and get into all my queers-in-small-town feelings, particularly being queer in small American towns during the era of Trump, and I also put a lot of grief in there, and I love that book a lot but this one is pretty much just two dudes falling in love on a farm without too much trauma at all, if that’s more your style. (Well, I should say that there is still some trauma, of course; this is still me we’re talking about; it’s still a romance novel with fucked up people who need to heal; but there’s not too much of it on page in this one is what I’m saying.)

Here’s an official summary that I hope isn’t too embarrassing:

Owning a farm is Emerson King’s lifelong dream come true—even if achieving it has cost him his marriage.

Now, a year after his divorce, Short King Farms is in dire financial straits. One bright spot on the horizon? Money from his friends Ben and Alexei, who are renting out the farm for their wedding. But even that might be in jeopardy: the farm is a mess, not at all ready for a hundred person wedding. Emerson needs help, desperately—if only he could afford it.

Luca Yaeger has spent his life as a fisherman with only one problem: he’s never actually wanted to be one. What he truly wants to do is write, but all that’s brought him is pain. When he receives his hundredth rejection for his novel, he decides it’s time to give up the ghost for good. After, of course, he heads to the local brewery for a small pity party first.

There he finds a sad farmer—and an opportunity for a new life.

In exchange for room and board, Luca offers to work at Short King Farms for free so Emerson can better prepare for the wedding. The farm is beautiful, the fresh start Luca has been looking for—even if his growing feelings for his new boss are useless, being that Emerson is definitely still in love with his ex.

But when it comes to all the stress Emerson is still under—maybe Luca could help with that in other ways, too…

As the wedding approaches, Luca and Emerson grow more and more attached. But when the past comes calling, they must decide what the future holds—for the farm and for themselves—after the final wedding bells toll.

Among the Wildflowers is a gentle gay small-town romance that explores the costs and rewards of following our dreams, and the messiness in expanding our expectations of love.

My much shorter tagline I’ve been saying to make myself laugh is:

Among the Wildflowers: sex pact to save the farm

Is that a phrase that makes sense?? I’m sure reviewers will figure out the answer to that; hopefully they don’t tag me.

Another thing to know that I couldn’t fit in the synopsis: Emerson King is also a single dad, if you like that trope, but he amicably co-parents with his ex, so sometimes I feel kind of weird calling him that? Like he’s technically single but he’s not doing this all on his own, you know? And these are the kind of thoughts that make me bad at listing tropes.

Anyway, there is also a very good cow named Sally.

Among the Wildflowers will be out on June 2nd. Next time we chat, I’ll put out a call for ARC readers, but I need my shit a little more put-together first. There will also be paperbacks eventually, and hopefully one day there will be audio for both this one and Heartwaves but I don’t have any news for you on that front yet. For now, I’d love if you added Wildflowers on Goodreads.

And yes, the title obviously alludes to the Tom Petty song. Which has long been one of my most steadfast writing songs, so it was inevitable it ended up as a title of mine—it first showed up on my writing playlist for Dahlia Woodson back in the day. (Who, wouldn’t you know, briefly shows up in this book.) It’s not just a throwaway title, though; there is an actual wildflower field on the farm that takes up a lot of oxygen in the book. I just did a search through the manuscript in its current form to see, and “wildflower” currently shows up 31 times, which—I almost thought it would be more, but still. Lotta flower talk in this gentle gay ass book.

I am very nervous about this one, as I am always nervous about books, but I really hope at least some of you like it.

More soon,

xo

anita

Hey, all. Just wanted to drop a line to let you know I’m starting a new, separate journaling project this year called The ABCs of Survival, where I document, for each letter of the alphabet, five songs and five books I’ve loved, five foods I’ve eaten, and five places I’ve been. The first entry for A is at that link. Content warning that it starts with a discussion about Renee Good.

This is mostly a personal project for me, but subscribe if you’d like to follow along.

With love and solidarity,

anita

I’m currently working on the sequel to Heartwaves. It’s about a farmer and a fisherman (but the fisherman is mostly a writer), and it might be the slowest I’ve ever drafted anything. But maybe I always feel that way when drafting. Regardless, I’m hoping to get it to you sometime in 2026. (This is Luca’s book, for those of you who have read Heartwaves.)

My Greyfin Bay/Heartwaves world, while set on the Oregon Coast, exists in the same universe as my first series, even if the first series mostly takes place in California and Nashville. At the same time that I want each book to stand on their own, I like to picture all of my books taking place in the same universe, really: there is something comforting about it to me, something that tethers each book to the other that helps ground me. I’m sure this has something to do with historical romance, and the way it frequently functions in series of interconnected characters, being one of my first true loves/gateways into the genre. (See also: contemporary series like Game Changers!)

Especially in Greyfin Bay, as I’m self-pubbing and can do whatever I want, I like playing around with previous characters and worlds. Mae and Dell, in Heartwaves, in addition to having a connection to my Nashville characters, also visit Moonie’s, the karaoke bar from my Moonlighters novella series. The karaoke scene in their book was pivotal to their plot, but it also just made me happy.

I have written what I think are three true stand-alones: Donut Summer (which I was truly honored to see on School Library Journal’s Best Books of 2025, as well as on this stunning list of 100 trans debuts from 2025 from Jen St. Jude and the Chicago Review of Books [as this was my first young adult book it can technically be considered a debut]); the comic shop romance that died on sub last year (although I technically have not finished writing this one, but I hope to someday); and the book I currently have on sub (which I love, and which is fully finished, so I’ll definitely get it to you someday, even if it doesn’t sell). (Sorry for that truly horrifying construction of a sentence. If one could call it that.) Even these though, while not explicitly connected to any of my previous books, I like to picture in the same universe: that Penny Dexter could walk by Dahlia Woodson on the street someday, or maybe take a college class with Ben’s younger sister Carolina.

The current WIP is especially intertwined because the plot of Farm Book (as I have been calling it) largely revolves around the wedding of Alexei Lebedev and Ben Caravalho, which is to take place on said farm. (I should note that this really is just a catalyst for the actual MCs, largely the farmer who is completely unprepared to actually host a wedding at his small farm and who desperately needs help, which arrives in the form of the fisherman who doesn’t want to be a fisherman anymore and has been searching for a fresh start. It’s their book, not Lex and Ben’s, but Lex and Ben do show up.) And there was a certain point in drafting a month or so ago when I was trying to remember some details about Ben and Lex’s life, and wondering timeline-wise what all the other people on their wedding guest list would be up to at this moment in time, and it was at that point I realized:

1) I have really written about a lot of characters these last few years, and

2) I had forgotten a lot of shit.

And so, I took a complete break from drafting to sit down and make a definitive timeline of my universe. Starting off with Love & Other Disasters, presuming that it took place in 2022, the year it was published, followed by each subsequent book and set of characters until I had a somewhat steadier vision of where everyone is now. This was extremely helpful for drafting the current WIP, but also ended up being helpful for me, as I have struggled so much both writing and mental health-wise after two years of rejection. Of having my previous body of work dismissed so casually on phone calls that made me feel so small. It was nice to look through all my previous books again just for me, to remember these people that I had created, that it turns out, I still love. But of course I do. You don’t make something out of nothing without a lot of love.

It also occurred to me that it might make a nice end-of-year tradition for my readers, too—catching up with where my characters are now, at this current moment in time.

It does occur to me, of course, that doing so will be a major spoiler fest if you have not read all of the books!! (And I know sometimes even readers who have read books don’t like knowing what happens to the characters within later on, that it can ruin a bit of the magic and the completeness of the book, which I also understand.) It’s possible this idea in general is not a good one, but—I love when an author has a yearly tradition (I used to so look forward to Cat Sebastian’s Christmas epilogues), and I think this one will make me happy, so here I am.

Accordingly, feel free to skip the rest of this email entirely, especially for any brand new readers who may have made their way here recently, or to scan to only the characters you know and care about. But you’re all adults who can handle this newsletter however you want; I think that’s enough disclaimers for now, yeah? Here’s what’s going on with my people.

As seen in the epilogue for How You Get the Girl, Dahlia and London have just gotten married this fall. It was beautiful and wonderful: Julie and Hank gave speeches; Barbara was their officiant; London’s top surgery scars were well-healed and they felt very much themself on their wedding day; Dahlia wore peach-colored roses in her voluminous hair.

They are currently planning on taking their honeymoon in spring of 2026, a meandering tour through Spain, France, and Italy. Basically, all the places with the food they most want to eat. They still live in Nashville with Schnitzel the ugly one-eyed dog in their apartment in 12 South. London still works in the music studio and Dahlia does her food writing and cooking videos, including her original channel on YouTube, though she’s experimenting more with TikTok. She’s also trying to think of more ways to push her platform and her work beyond just recipes and reviews and personal essays, maybe working on series that highlight the stories of local farmers or food production, or food origins and evolutions.

QueerOut celebrated its third summer in 2025 as a camp for queer youth, focused mostly on cooking and other real-life skills meant to empower. London, and Dahlia, are still involved, especially when it comes to fundraising as they’re the ones who still have a glimmer of star power, but mostly they leave its operation to its talented staff.

How they celebrate the holidays: They spend most of December in Nashville, celebrating Christmas Day at the Parker family home. But while Dahlia still loves Nashville, even with all its complexities, as she gets older she increasingly misses Massachusetts, where she was born and raised, especially around the holidays. And so London and Dahlia have started a tradition of leaving for New England on Boxing Day. They spend a few days with Dahlia’s parents in New Bedford before spending New Years in Boston with Hank. London feels more attached to New England with each visit too; they are currently crafting a plan of buying a vacation home somewhere in the region to surprise Dahlia with. (Dahlia will feel kind of disgusted at the luxury of having two homes but will also really, really love it.)

2025 marks Ben’s first full year of living with Alexei in Portland, Oregon. Alexei is still working for the Forest Service, although it has been a stressful year with government layoffs: especially as a provisional employee, every day he wakes up holding his breath, praying Russell Vought lets him survive another day. Somehow, by the end of the year, he’s still employed, but it’s been hard, too, watching the Forest Service scrub any mention of diversity, equity, and inclusion from its policies. To go from having his dream job, and being able to be his full self at his dream job, to the world saying jk. Your identity here actually isn’t welcomed at all. But this is the way of any progress in the world, he knows: two steps forward, three steps back. [Sorry to bring Russell Vought into this made-up world; I know, I’m a sick fuck.]

His work life is made manageable, though, by his friend and coworker, Rex, who complains, loudly and inappropriately both at the office and outside of it, about all the changes wrecking their jobs and, accordingly, our nation’s forests and ecosystems. Even though they are really, really not supposed to do so: a small act of rebellion Alexei admires and takes comfort from. And, of course, it’s made better by being able to come home each day to Ben.

Ben has secured a job as a home health nurse, and he is, frankly, rather obsessed with it. He’s honored by the privilege of being able to serve his patients in their homes, to have such intimate access to their lives and communities while helping them be the most comfortable they can; he loves the independence of it, even while still being beholden to his agency, but he likes his boss, and thinks his boss likes him. Even as much as Ben does miss Ted, his old boss in Nashville at Lakeview Hills, and the patients he cared for there.

Ben and Lex still live in their apartment in Southeast Portland (though they often dream of buying a house); they hike every opportunity they can with their dog, Delilah, from the river gorge to the mountain to the high desert to the coast.

What has been most important and life-changing for Alexei in particular this year is the community he and Ben have found. Through the new church Alexei has started attending, he meets Jesús and Steve, an older gay couple. They invite him back to their house for lunch each Sunday post-church, and after only a short amount of time, they feel like both friends and the parental figures Alexei still needs. Eventually, both Ben and Lex fall into Jesús and Steve’s wider friend group, which includes a variety of queers of all ages and identities. Ben particularly clicks with Mae, Jesús’s best friend and co-worker at a local queer community center.

Also. Ben and Lex have been watching Heated Rivalry (the whole gang has, including London and Dahlia), and Alexei is, obviously, having a lot of feelings about Ilya Rozanov’s story. Ilya’s story is not his, of course, but there is enough there to reach inside his guts and twist a bit. (He also wishes the cokehead brother in the show wasn’t named Alexei, but he tries to not take it personally. At the same time, he gets a little thrill whenever he hears Ilya say his name in Russian, so. It’s a whole complex journey.) Ben is increasingly concerned for him as the series continues—Ben kind of crawls out of his skin with anxiety during Episode 5—but Alexei assures him he is fine. And he is. It’s a lot. But things like having Jesús and Steve now, and very sincerely, Heated Rivalry, help Alexei feel better and better each and every day.

How they celebrate the holidays: They fly back to Nashville, staying at Iris and Luiz’s house (they’ve kept Ben’s bed set up in the basement for when they visit), with frequent visits to Julie and Elle’s house as well. Alexei has developed increasing guilt, though, about leaving Alina alone at the holidays; she has been on her own personal journey with their parents, their faith, and herself. Ben and Lex discuss on the plane ride home this year the idea of inviting Alina to Nashville next Christmas.

Ben also spends a lot of the plane ride contemplating how exactly he’s going to propose to Alexei next year. Really, he’s been contemplating it for what feels like forever. He kept wanting to wait until he felt steadier on his own two feet, settled into his new job and life in Portland. But whether he’s steadier or not (he totally is), he’s tired of waiting. 2026 is for finally biting the bullet and planning whatever kind of wedding Alexei Lebedev wants.

Phewwwww, so 2025 has been kind of a LOT for Julie Parker, who has just completed her first fall of being a counselor at East Nashville High while also taking classes at night. The learning curve is STEEP, and is not helped by the fact that she often comes home to an empty house because Elle is also in school several hours away in Chattanooga, and basketball season has just started hahaha and she might be losing her mind!! (A new English teacher at the school, Mr. Tyler, has taken Elle’s place as Julie’s assistant coach; they have become fast friends through 1) their love of basketball, and 2) the bonding stress of surviving a school year as newbies in the building. They are both still absolutely terrified of Dr. Jones, their principal. But Julie is pretty sure Iris Caravalho [who still subs in for the secretaries sometimes] bullied everyone in the office to be nice to her, so at least there’s that.)

And yet: even with the struggle, every day for both Julie and Elle is approximately a hundred times more fulfilling than their days were before they found each other. Even if Elle still occasionally struggles with bad brain days. Vanessa is still living with her mom, but she maintains a close relationship with Julie and Elle. (And she is still on the basketball team.) Elle has learned that a lot of maintaining a relationship with Vanessa and Karly involves biting her tongue: she is constantly worried, does not always approve of choices that are made, but she is still grateful for her relationship with Vanessa and knows she has to be quiet sometimes to hold on to that. Family is complicated, and they’re all navigating as best they can.

Like everyone else this holiday season, Julie and Elle are also all-in on Heated Rivalry; Julie is particularly obsessed and feels like it’s been a gift sent from above for both her brain and her heart after a stressful as hell year. She feels confused about how into both Ilya Rozanov and Shane Hollander she is, and is considering adding them to her List of Men She Has Definitely Been Attracted To list, bringing the grand total from one (1) [Manny Jacinto] to three (3). She also worries out loud a few times about it being problematic that she’s so into it, at which Elle pats her knee and tells her to stop thinking so hard. It’s a shitshow out there for queer people and they can take their joy where they can get it.

Elle will later ask, out of pure curiosity, if Julie is still attracted to Svetlana most of all, to which Julie will answer without hesitation, “Well, obviously,” and Elle will pat her knee again and smile.

(While Julie obviously contributes to the group chat about the show, she and Ben start a separate private chat where 1) they can share what actual freaks they have become, without revealing the disturbing depths of it to their partners and families; 2) Ben can do so in a space where he can temporarily set his concern for Alexei aside. Even though Ben has kept his word and kept their friendship alive even after moving to Portland, it’s these Heated Rivalry chats that make Julie feel closer to him than she has all year.)

How they spend the holidays: Somewhat chaotically, they split their time at Christmas between the Parker family home, Elle’s mom’s house, Vanessa and Karly’s, and the Caravalhos’. But for the rest of winter break, they savor both being able to breathe together for a little while in Nashville, watching and playing basketball and cuddling with Snoozles. Among other activities.

(Speaking of basketball, they both found it absolute bullshit when the WNBA announced their expansion markets earlier this year and Nashville wasn’t one of them, but in Pat Summitt’s honor, they are still holding out hope. They would also accept an NWSL team. Also, a PWHL team. For the love of god, give the queers of Tennessee something.)

Once I compiled my timeline, I realized that the actions within Heartwaves actually have to take place in 2026. Which is okay! Because for those who haven’t read it, I can now fill you in on the backstory that eventually leads to Mae Kellerman and Dell McCleary meeting.

Mae (she/they) works as a social worker at the queer community center where they’ve been for years, alongside their best friend Jesús. While surviving 2025 has been hard—the center has lost a few essential grants—Mae feels more grateful than ever for their own queer community. They have a particularly warm spot in their heart for the new additions to the friend group, Ben and Alexei, even though they’re like a decade younger than her. There’s something about the earnest sweetness and youth of them that gives her some hope in the middle of our politically dark fucking times.

Mae also spends a decent chunk of the year, what will later feel like an absolutely dumb amount of time, in a relationship with a woman named Eden. Until, after five months, they discover that Eden has been married, to a man—with a kid!—the whole time. Mae’s friends are all concerned for them, after, but the absurdity and the cliché of the betrayal is so huge that somehow Mae’s able to get over it relatively quickly. Or, maybe, she had never been as invested in the relationship as she should have been. She feels tired, in general, these days: burnt out on social work, no matter how much she loves the center. Exhausted by surviving the cruelty of the world. The only things that seem to bring her comfort lately are her friends and her ever-expanding collection of house plants.

Meanwhile, in Greyfin Bay…Dell McCleary is practicing some low-key conservation-focused real estate, building an ADU in his backyard for his mom, and maintaining a once-a-month (or so) sexual relationship with Luca Yaeger, whenever Luca is available in town and not off on a fishing trip. Even though they’ve both agreed to keep it casual, Dell finds himself developing more feelings for Luca each time they meet—as is wont to happen—even though neither men have made any move to actually deepen the relationship. Dell is still suffering from PTSD from a random act of violence that happened to him in Portland years earlier; it’s what prompted him to move to Greyfin Bay. It’s also made him very weary of trusting people. Other than Luca, he spends most of his time in his house or his woodworking workshop with his dogs, Crosby, Stills, and Nash.

Until earlier this year, when Liv Gallagher, the butch lesbian who owns the IGA and Dell’s one possible friend in Greyfin Bay, convinced him to finally add a Young to his pack. Young is a collie mix with entirely too much energy, and Dell spends a lot of the year trying to get her adjusted to the rest of the pack. Still doesn’t trust her enough to bring her on his off-leash runs on the beach, though.

How they spend their holidays: Dell flies to his hometown in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to spend a week or so with his mom. Driving to PDX for these holiday visits are the only times he ever allows himself to get close to Portland city limits now. Mae spends Christmas Day with her parents, who live in an assisted living facility in Lincoln City, before returning to Portland to party (like, in a chill but still joyful way; she’s too old for anything more these days) with her friends for New Years. They end up spending most of it rewatching Episode 6 of Heated Rivalry multiple times while eating treats from Trader Joe’s and crying a little bit together, because at the end of 2025, all of them, like all of us, deserve only soft things.

I have also during this process finally finalized my characters’ birthdays, something that has, for whatever reason, never crossed my brain before to do, even while seeing every other author on the internet posting about their characters’ astrological signs. Which, I should say—while I had reasons for some of these choices, I did not think about astrology at all. So if you totally disagree with whatever signs I have happened to assign to my people, I’m sorry. lol.

But just in case you’re curious, in order of the year:

Dahlia Woodson: January 18th (turned 31 this year)

Elle Cochrane: February 13th (turned 33 this year)

Alexei Lebedev: March 7th (turned 31 this year)

London & Julie Parker: April 6th (turned 29 this year)

Mae Kellerman: June 11th (turned 40 this year)

Dell McCleary: June 29th (turned 41 this year)

Ben Caravalho: October 5th (turned 29 this year)

I didn’t write here about what my Moonie’s characters are up to, as this was already quite long and I worried it’d be too much (but I’d be happy to dive into that next year if folks wanted it).

I also didn’t include Penny or Mateo from Donut Summer. There is something about them being so young that makes me hesitant to ever dive publicly into what I think happens next for them. Their future is so wide open; I want to keep whatever possibilities await them in the minds of their readers.

Thanks for being part of this little writing exercise of mine! I hope your 2026 is full of much more light than we had in 2025. I can’t wait to, hopefully, have even more characters to fill you in on next year.

xo

anita

Buy Love & Other Disasters * Buy Something Wild & Wonderful * Buy How You Get the Girl * Buy Heartwaves * Buy Donut Summer

I first read the first three books in the Game Changers series by Rachel Reid (Heated Rivalry is the second) in 2020, and the rest of the series in the years thereafter. It was before I myself was published, when I was first getting into romance in a serious way. Heated Rivalry itself is one of the very few books I have re-read several times. (I would love to be a bigger re-reader, if I allowed myself time to slow down more, but I always feel such pressure to read as many news books as possible that I rarely actually do. A goal for the new year, perhaps.) Accordingly, I have always held the whole series close to my heart.

Fast forward five years: I’ve spent the second half of 2025 trying to separate myself from social media and the publishing world as much as I can. So when I happened to see an ad for the show on HBO Max a few days before it premiered, I was like omg maybe I remember hearing about this happening? And then I thought, wait, do I even want to watch it? Or would I prefer to hold on to my own personal memories of the books and these characters for myself, you know?

But then it started to blow up, so of course I watched it. My first impression was simply being stunned at how faithfully it was adapted. How beautifully and artfully it was adapted. How perfectly it aligned with my experiences of reading the book. Like—I think I actually didn’t know we could even have adaptations like this, that we could have something this good. Imagine having your own work adapted with such care? I literally can’t. It’s aiming too high. And if there’s one thing this industry has certainly beaten out of me, it’s hope and expectations.

By the time Episodes 4 and 5 rolled around, I had become feral. I was anticipating the arrival of Friday (when new episodes drop) all week. I can’t remember the last time I’d experienced that with literally any media. God bless releasing episodes a week at a time. So we could all have that anticipation together. So we could all experience something at the same time. Remember when we used to have those communal cultural experiences all the time? Everything really did used to be better, didn’t it?

I didn’t really have an outlet for my feral-ness, though. I hadn’t felt this way in so long, likely since my fandoms in high school. It made me feel kind of insane. Like, you are kind of insane in high school. I was, anyway. The only social media I’m truly on these days is Bluesky, so I can keep up with the news, which Bluesky is helpful for—but the downside of Bluesky is that it has never become a place for people to be just, like, totally irrational idiots. You have to be smart over there. And by the time I watched Episode 5 and then immediately watched it again, I was an idiot. The adrenaline was surging so hard I could barely focus on anything else. Like, was it possible I had maybe forgotten, until this moment, what it feels like to be alive? I had, approximately, five hundred million thousand thoughts I wanted to SCREAM FROM THE ROOFTOPS. SOMEWHERE. But all I mostly saw on Bluesky were critical takes from people who had clearly 1) not read the books, or 2) did not understand Romance. I just wanted to be dumb and happy about something. I tried finding edits on Tiktok and some of them were good but I don’t truly understand how to use Tiktok and never will. I feel embarrassed about it constantly.

Anyway, then, finally, last night: I re-downloaded Instagram on my phone again. Instagram has always been my real kryptonite, especially after Twitter died; it was the place I had the most interaction with readers about my work but also the place that consistently made me feel like shit the most these last couple years. Stepping away from it had been essential for me this year, even if I did miss that interaction, even if I did miss knowing what was going on with my friends.

And apparently, what was going on with my friends was that they were ALL FEELING THE SAME EXACT THINGS I WAS. THEY WERE ALL DUMB AND HAPPY TOO! THEY WERE FEELING THE SAME ADRENALINE! I DIDN’T KNOW! My entire timeline, exactly what I had been looking for! Inject it into my veins, as we said a decade or so ago!!!

But not only were we all totally irrational idiots, but there were people giving smart, in-depth commentary about why we were all so happy, why this show, specifically, honors Romance. I was filled with such a heady feeling, my own thoughts so fucking validated, I was overwhelmed.

It is hard to overstate how poor my mental health has become when it comes to publishing. It has not affected my love of reading (so far, I’ve read 20 more books this year than I did last year!), but it has certainly affected my relationship with writing—my confidence in doing it at all, really—and how I feel about Romance and my place within it.

But then here is this show, based on books I’ve loved, and everyone is connecting to it for the reasons I’ve always loved it here: character work, character work, character work. Intimacy. Sensuality and tension and vulnerability. Queerness, and joy. Not ten tropes in a trench coat or whatever trend is popular at this very minute. But the basic shit, the real shit, that apparently not even capitalism can fully destroy.

I don’t want to give Heated Rivalry exclusive credit for the fact that my own writing has suddenly also felt easier this week than it has for months. I think there are a number of things that have come together at this exact moment in this current draft that are making the way forward smoother.

But there have been a lot of things this week that helped me remember what this all felt like when it was fun, when it didn’t make me hate myself. And I think remembering that, remembering what I actually love about this genre—the same things I have always loved; knowing the real ones still love those same things too—has certainly helped.

And so, sincerely, every person who has put together edits and memes and reaction videos and podcasts and analyses about these two idiots: thank you. I feel at home for the first time in a long time.

It is a cruel world out there. It has been a tough fucking year. But as long as I have Ilya Rozanov in my heart, no one can hurt me.

xo

anita

As I’m sure I have made overly obvious, the last two years with me and publishing have been rough. There are a lot of things that have happened that will likely hurt my feelings forever, but over the last few months, I’ve made a conscious effort to be healthier in my head.

There are a few different things that have helped me. I’m trying to mentally separate myself from publishing, thinking of myself once again as more of a reader than an Author. Being a reader first has always been most important to me, but it does take conscious work to not view every single book I even casually see a cover of through my jaded publishing lens. Stepping way back from social media has been the biggest component in helping with this goal. (The other is just a lot of mental reflection. In addition to things like stepping back from participating in as many events or blurbing other people’s books, etc. Although book events are one of the few things that do still bring me joy, and the local community here has been very kind to me, so I’ll likely continue to be part of those, at least locally.)

Being on social media less has led to a lot more reading, ie. succeeding at least a bit in this goal of my identity as a reader. It’s been great! I’ll likely reflect on my year of reading somewhere that isn’t here, but reading more always helps me in every way.

Another thing I’ve been doing is writing on paper a lot more. Not writing my books, although I might get there eventually, but writing in a perhaps absurd number of journals. I already feel self-conscious about this post, because it feels very personal, but I know I always love hearing about other people’s journaling habits, so on the off-chance it’s helpful or interesting to someone else—[talking to my near-future self staring at the Publish button] I’m going through with it!!

I know there have been multiple studies about the act of putting pen or pencil to paper in our digital age—I would find them to cite if I was less lazy, but the essence is that doing so literally activates different areas of our brain than just typing on a screen. For me, it is extremely grounding. I also find myself referencing older things in my various journals all the time when I want to remember something: it’s easier, at least for me, to flip through a series of physical pages as opposed to trying to remember which digital folder I saved something in or when it was I made that one Instagram post where I shared that thing one time. It’s helped me feel healthier as a writer, probably because it makes me feel healthier as a person.

And so, here are the various journals that have helped me stay sane through 2025. (I know it’s a bit early for a 2025 reflection post, but I’m planning on sending a different newsletter at the end of December, so thanks for indulging me.)

This has been my primary journal for most of 2025, my main squeeze. I have always, since I was a kid, kept a journal to document my thoughts/feelings/life; they now fill boxes in my basement. As I’ve gotten older, though, it’s gotten harder for me to keep up with such a journal consistently. Too much time will go by, and then when I finally open to a blank page, trying to summarize everything that’s been in my head since the last time I wrote feels overwhelming. I started this particular journal (gifted to me by a dear friend) in 2022, and for the first quarter or so of its pages, I continued in this traditional vein: big blocks of text, full sentences.

But somewhere over the last year or so, I’ve freed myself from having to document my life in a series of essays. My main squeeze journals are now a combination of whatever I want to put in them. Sometimes that’s writing out full thoughts in complete sentences and paragraphs, but more often than not, it’s a series of lists.

I have always loved lists; I used to have a different journal solely dedicated to them, but I am currently really loving my collage-of-whatever in my regular journaling. More often than not, my traditional journal entries are now written in lists; I start with Things lately: and then it’s easy to flow. But there are now a whole bunch of other lists scattered throughout, some of which are actually useful. Every Saturday night is family movie night in my household; we alternate each week between Our Choice and Kiddo’s Choice. I have a list in my journal keeping track of all the movies we’ve watched, and I frequently have to reference it on Saturday nights to remember whose turn it is and what we have or haven’t watched yet. I keep a list of all the books I’ve read, which again, I find easier to look through and analyze, for whatever reason, than looking at my Goodreads. I keep track of new words in languages I’m learning that I want to remember; lists of new restaurants I’ve tried, lists of goals, of National Geographic articles I’ve liked. I’ve started writing quotes from books that really struck me. Some of the lists are silly! They all make me happy.

I technically hit the last page of this journal several months ago (which was what originally inspired me to want to write about it here—it’s such an accomplishment, filling a journal!), but because of these constantly-in-progress lists, it’s not fully finished yet. Almost there, though.

One of those as-yet unfinished lists that I would recommend for everyone, but particularly those who struggle with depression: I saw advice from a therapist once about working on a list of a hundred things that make you truly happy no matter what. I add to mine slowly (I’ve worked on it about a year now), but it is definitely helpful to look through, no matter how small the things. (The first item on my list is “slightly burnt cheese” lol.) I’m currently on #53.

My new main squeeze!! Whenever I leave the house I always have at least one journal on me (often more); for the last few months this is always one of them. It makes me very happy, partly because at least two of the flowers on the front are ones that grew in my garden this year.

I’ve also, gleefully, started using my main squeeze journals as a space to put all the stickers I have somehow gathered as a 42 year old lol, as my laptop case has been full up for a while now. But all those book pre-order stickers and bookstore stickers and stickers given to me by readers that used to haphazardly sprinkle my bookshelves/dresser/floor—they now fill these journals! I don’t know why this is so satisfying to me, even when it sometimes makes the pages kind of fat and uneven—but it is.

My writing journal. I started this one in 2023, inspired by Alicia Thompson’s writing journals, and I’m so grateful for this practice because for the couple years prior, all my regular journaling in my main squeeze was starting to be consumed by writing/publishing thoughts, leaving little space for, you know, my wife and my kid and my life, and I knew the imbalance wasn’t healthy. It’s nice having one spot to concentrate my neuroses!

In truth, while I’ve had this journal for two years now, Alicia’s notebooks about her works-in-progress are much more disciplined than mine. I still don’t have a perfect routine with it; I don’t journal every time I write, normally just every time I’ve hit a big word count or goal, like I don’t deserve to write in the writing journal otherwise. And while it would make even more sense here to write in lists—things I still have to work on in the book, timelines, plot outlines, character questions, etc.—more often than not I only write long tortured paragraphs in here, mostly detailing all the ways I feel like shit about what I’m doing lol. There are some positive entries, I should be clear!! But I know I could likely still be using this one smarter.

As this is a full-size, college-ruled notebook, I fill it a lot slower than my others; it’s currently about half-full and follows my thoughts while I:

• edited How You Get the Girl

• drafted Heartwaves

• edited Donut Summer

• drafted (and then revised with my agent) the book I currently have on sub

• currently, am drafting my WIP

I’m hopeful to finish the notebook someday, hopefully full of thoughts about other unknown stories.

I should note that, also inspired by Alicia, I have stickers for this journal too, but stickers I purchase on purpose for each book, to be included as a little reward for writing. Here’s a small assortment from my last four projects.

Clockwise from upper left: Donuts, obviously, for Donut Summer revisions; sea creatures + flowers for Heartwaves; a pig driving a tractor lololol for my current WIP which takes place on a farm (most of my stickers for this book are like vegetables and stuff but I used this one when I really needed a laugh), even though there are no pigs on Short King Farms (currently…this sticker made me re-think, though) and since it’s a sustainable microfarm Emerson doesn’t even use a big motorized tractor like this, but anyway; and for the book on sub, which includes a letter-writing element—I had letter stickers for any time I worked on those, and strawberry stickers for the rest, since one of the main characters smells like strawberries (of course).

I picked this up on a whim for $5 at a Kohl’s last year, and despite feeling somewhat cringey sometimes about using a “gratitude journal,” I’ve been surprised at how much I’ve enjoyed it, and how much it lets me document my life. While it’s organized by weeks, like a planner, everything is undated (you fill in the dates yourself), so if I go a week without picking it up, I don’t have to feel bad; I can just pick up where I left off. And since I’m just writing one thing I’m grateful for, I don’t have to worry about like, documenting every single thing that happened that day.

And while I know this is the obvious point of a gratitude journal—it is indeed helpful, on a day where, say, some teenagers at Day Job have been shitty to me, or I’ve spent an absolutely criminal amount of time thinking about JD Vance saying we shouldn’t love our neighbors, actually, if they speak a different language (a real, actual thing he said; the amount of sleep I’ve lost thinking about it)—it’s helpful to think of one good thing on those days. Even if it’s just, like, a good snack I had. Still helps.

This is also nice and slim; if you wrote in it every week, it’d cover one year. Which makes it, again, more approachable and feasible than those clunky one-line-a-day five year journal things that I’ve tried so many times. Will definitely look into ordering more when I’m done with this one, which I almost am.

The regular ol’ annual daily planner, which I’m including here because I think it definitely counts as a journal. Unlike my other journals, though, I always struggle with what to do with them when the year is done. I obviously keep every other journal I ever finish, like the weirdo with hoarding tendencies that I am, but I live in a very small house and even I grow skeptical of keeping old planners. So I usually do end up tossing them. But whenever I do, and look back at a year’s worth of to-do lists and appointments and work schedules—it often feels like I’m throwing away the best documentation of them all. But then again…maybe that’s just the hoarder talking.

Obviously, I also have a gardening journal. I’ve had this one a long time, way more than five years so the title is a lie. It’s pretty (it’s a Chronicle Books book, so iykyk), and organized by season which I like, but every entry is extremely structured in what it wants you to document, which doesn’t necessarily work with my brain. It’s great for documenting data, essentially—what I’ve planted and when—but I only recently freed myself to write Gardening Thoughts/Lists in my main squeeze journal too, NOT just the pretty gardening journal, and I can’t tell you how free that truly made me feel! Haha wow I am really just saying things in this newsletter that are maybe concerning, huh!

So…that’s me! *nervous laughter*

If you’re curious, I also use Pilot G-2 gel pens exclusively when I’m journaling, and using up a pen feels as monumental as filling up a journal. I started out 2025 writing everything in green, and then purple, and aquamarine, and now, a navy that’s kind of boring but I’ve already run through the fun colors of my last pack so now I have to get through the basic ones before I order myself a new bundle. But what an exciting day it’ll be when I get to!

Hope your holiday season is full of good pens and good books,

xo

anita