As you might be aware, Rosh Hashanah was this week. That meant NYC public schools were out Tuesday and Wednesday. That meant it was fucking Daddy Day Care up in here. Two Mondays this week. Two Fridays. Two pounds of confusion.

Also, not to speak for the guy, but Zan has had some things going on with his little one. We’ve barely had time to WhatsApp each other how much the other one sucks.

So, if you’re scoring at home, a (former) Southern Baptist Texpatriate and a Canadian Muslim got taken out by a Jewish Holiday. Of course we did.

Also, we’ve both been sleeping (as dads of small children do) with one eye on the American League standings lately.

I ain’t jinxing shit. But I will say on my second monitor I have Cursor running to update this simulator and live look at the MLB Playoff situations.

You can find it here.

So here’s this:
Saturday, September 27

• 7:30 AM

  Brentford vs. Manchester United | USA Network, Universo

• 10:00 AM:

  Chelsea vs. Brighton & Hove Albion | Peacock

  Crystal Palace vs. Liverpool | Peacock

  Leeds United vs. AFC Bournemouth | Peacock

  Manchester City vs. Burnley | USA Network, Universo

• 12:30 PM:

• Nottingham Forest vs. Sunderland | USA Network, Universo

• 3:00 PM:

• Tottenham Hotspur vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers | USA Network, Universo

Sunday, September 28

• 9:00 AM:

  Aston Villa vs. Fulham | USA Network, Telemundo

• 11:30 AM:

  Newcastle United vs. Arsenal | USA Network, Telemundo

If there has ever been a must win match in Week 5 of the English Premier League, this is it. Arsenal could start this game 8 points off of Liverpool. I know it’s early, but … there is a stick and Arsenal need to get on it.

Monday, September 29

• 3:00 PM:

  Everton vs. West Ham United | USA Network, Universo

Also, as some inside baseball for how this gets made, I usually share a Google doc with Zan and we mash this thing out in there and I hit fire on Fridays.

I fucked us up last week and pasted our WhatsApp into Substack and Zan went and wrote something anyway and I forgot to check an paste it and the match schedule into Substack.

Hating to waste effort, I give you a new section:

Things Zan wrote last week that Colby fucked up and didn’t send

ZR: I have an uncle who, during the 1994 Toronto Maple Leafs playoff run, would come to our apartment and sit in one specific corner of the room, right between two sofas, cross-legged on the floor. The Leafs won every single game when he claimed that sacred spot. They were eliminated from the playoffs the one day he didn’t.

After another thrilling victory mid-week against Atlético Madrid, I’d like to officially recommend that Colby takes up permanent residence in his bathroom. I’m looking forward to receiving photographic evidence from him, stationed in that porcelain palace, every time Liverpool heads into squeaky bum time needing a goal. So far in 2025, it’s been the key to victory. Maybe we should set up a bed and kitchen in that washroom so he can just move in permanently. What’s the rent like for bathroom apartments in New York these days?

We head into the weekend with the Merseyside derby on tap. I’m not from Liverpool, but I’ve never truly felt the rivalry between these two sides because, frankly, one team has been so much better than the other during all the years I’ve followed the Premier League. I’ve always enjoyed watching the derby, but I’ve never really seen Everton as a genuine threat. In the immortal words of Bill Shankly: “When I’ve nothing better to do, I look down the league table to see how Everton are getting along.”

I do think Jack Grealish’s move to Everton is a phenomenal coup for them, and I genuinely hope they have a strong season. But I really can’t see Liverpool coming up short in this one. I’m predicting a comfortable 3-1 victory for the Reds.

We’ll all be keeping an eye on Arsenal versus Manchester City, of course, as they battle it out to determine who gets to be runner-up this season. It should be an intriguing tactical matchup. And can I just say, who else finds Mikel Arteta insufferable as a manager? There’s something so painfully cringey about him, and I honestly don’t understand why Arsenal fans adore him the way they do.

Football, superstitions, and unwavering loyalty, some things never change. Whether it’s my uncle’s corner spot in ‘94 or Colby’s bathroom vigil in ‘25, we’ll cling to whatever magic we can find. Because in the end, isn’t that what being a fan is all about? Here’s to another weekend of beautiful, maddening football.

CB: Aged pretty well, my friend.

Colby’s oldest open browser tab

GQ’s 125 Rules for Modern Gentlemen

I’m in a time crunch, per the ushe … so in the comment section, I’ll toss out the one of these I very much disagree with and why. Or maybe you can all guess which one it is.

Hendo’s Tesla FC

Fresh after I saw Jordan Henderson drive his Tesla in and out of Anfield last May, I give you my own Hendo’s Tesla FC. CURRENTLY IN FIRST PLACE IN LFC BROOKLYN AND LFC NY AND SIXTH PLACE IN THE GLOBAL CONGLOMERATION THAT LAID ME OFF LAST NOVEMBER.

Suck it, Dentsu-san.

Take care of yourself and each other.

Colby Black: I have a wild idea.

What if we just banter here and that becomes the piece for the week? plus the games lineup?

Zan Rathore: up to you I'm not sure how you would copy and paste that tho

[cb editor’s note: just fucking like this, dude.]

Zan Rathore: we're doing well staying committed to posting so far

this needs to be in the weekly post until it doesn't work 🤣

or can we get a statistical analysis of how many times Liverpool wins while Colby is in the washroom vs not

[cb as an Editor’s note: I’ve been in the Monro’s bathroom for 3 of the 5 crazy last minute winning goals these last 5 matches. I’ve started just texting Zan a pic when I am in formation.]

Colby Black: well, Szoboslai’s winner against Arsenal happened while I was in Florida. Then again, Florida is America’s bathroom.

So how does it feel being among the people who gets regular pics from me in a bathroom?

Zan Rathore: hahahah

honestly?

pretty honoured and intimate

I'm pretty sure all of America is turning into a toilet

Colby Black: That’s mean, but I’ll allow it. On the basis of its truth.

Zan Rathore: I didn't say Canada wasn't

Colby Black: At least you’re the top toilet.

Ok. What happens first: Liverpool doesn’t come through in the 90’+23 minute. Or they get it together and start going like a rolling ball of butcher knives going downhill?

Zan Rathore: the thought of a ball of butcher knives going downhill is incredibly terrifying... I'll go with that one but it gives me anxiety

what should we be calling the 90+23 minute wins? Arne time?

Colby Black: Getting Slotted?

Standard Operating Procedure?

Four Legue Matches down for everyone. That’s 10.5263 percent of the season. First transfer window is closed.

There’s no excuse for us to not make iron clad carved in stone predictions.

Do we want to go with Top 6 and relegation first?

Zan Rathore: I don't think much changes with the top 6, and of course, if we're discussing relegation battles, I would love talk about Manchester United

Colby Black: See? I think some of these teams with their extra european matches could wilt. Mainly looking at you, Newcastle … Villa.

Forest and Brighton don’t seem able to capitalize, though.

Bournemouth, maybe?

I did get a funny text at the 10th minute of our Atleti match Wednesday asking if Bournemouth was better than Atleti.

Oh … that text came from you.

Leeds United. Burnley, Sunderland are the newly promoted sides. Do all three stay up?

Zan Rathore:

inside_theropes

A post shared by @inside_theropes

who would've thought the excellence of execution would support the addicks

I've only really had a chance to watch Leeds but if Dominic Calvert Lewin continues his goal drought and, well, the rest of the team doesn't create anything for him then I can't see how they manage to stay up... it will be fun to see them duke it out with Manchester United at the bottom of the table (I am going to get as many shots at United as I possibly can because of how much shit i got from friends for nearly 20 years about them and I will not apologize)

Colby Black: So you got Leeds, Man U and … who going down?

I’m going Leeds, Forest and Wolves. I can make myself believe about 7 other teams are also going down somehow.

Next manager to get fired? I’m going Fabian Hürzeler at Brighton.

ANNNND … then Zan got busy being a father, or having a job, or being a husband or being Canadian. Something … I’ll let him answer in the comments.

And now, I give you from Premier League Fantasy Team Names and AI …

The Lord of the Mings.

It’s been a bit messy the last couple of weeks around Castle Black.

While school has started, after school has not. Which means I have to grab my little angel every day at 2:35. I almost have time to get two complete thoughts in my “work day.” It’s been exhausting and also done a real number on my … “mental health” I guess you’d call it? Also, with her school across the street, it’s taken my summer of walking 5 miles a day out completely.

It’s been a real drag for me that I can’t say I really managed well if we’re being completely honest.

Thankfully, the world has been a remarkably calm place the last two weeks … other than the shit storm going to 11.

Fifteen years ago, Cliff Lungaretti and I became work friends. I also got fully integrated with his high school and college friends. Somewhere in the Pandemic That We All Recognized, he mentioned that one of the things he missed the most was the random chat with the random people in your day. The guy that makes your salad … the woman in the elevator. The bartender.

Somewhere about the time my kid started daycare, I started passing a guy also in a Guardians hat pushing his kid up the hill as I was pushing my kid down the hill. I became resolute that this guy was going to be my limited purpose friend. All we were going to do was talk baseball. Never exchanging names. Nothing else. Just baseball. Just on the street passing each other with our kids.

The next year, his kid started going to a school down the hill, mine started going up the hill. We’d pass each other going the other direction.

“Guards are looking good lately.”

“This is our year.”

“These guys are bums.”

Last year, at a school carnival, my daughter’s best friend’s dad found an abandoned cell phone. My Guardians Guy on the Street was in the family photo on the lockscreen. I instructed the other father to not tell me anything about the guy. I didn’t want his name or anything, because it would ruin my Guardians Guy on the Street.

This year has brought changes. My Guy’s kids are all now down the hill. We don’t cross paths. I was a little sad. But this is the way these deals go. We’d done our duties to each other. It was time to move on.

Some fucking how, moving on has meant I am the fucking Vice President of the Pre-K’s PTA. No one is more surprised than I am.

The way I got this job, besides my gullability, is I’ve been spearheading the fight to get the streets and intersections at our school safer. Suddenly, my grumpy old man instincts are paying off … with a volunteer position.

Our local NYPD precinct promised the school a patrol car presence for the first day of school last week. I bragged a bit too much to folks. Hoping that might maybe get me retired from my VP duties for the year.

The cop didn’t show.

Fuck.

Buried in my emails from the night before was the precinct saying, “sorry. We don’t have anyone.”

Fuck. We’re sunk.

I look up.

Walking his 3 year old into our schoolyard was our state representative. (i’m going to put this gently) A lovely guy, by all standards, but the local politician who’s always at every ribbon cutting and everything. No disparagement intended, but if you can recognize your state legislator by sight on the street, that guy is an A level gland hander. Good for him.

Also, the guy went to high school with … Cliff Lungaretti.

I actually exclaimed, “The lord has sent me an angel.”

I get home and add said State Rep to my email chain that includes the staffs of 3 schools, 4 PTAs, the NYPD precinct, our City Council member, the cemetery across the street from the school, our Community Board, the Department of Transportation, and … others.

Within an hour I get an email from the Rep’s Chief of Staff. “Come talk to us next week.”

I block off my whole 2.5 hour work window on Wednesday to prepare for my Thursday meeting. I draw and redraw maps by hand of the block the school is on. I rehearse adding the bus stops. I figure the best way to depict the bike lanes. I’ve got a mind map of all the agencies involved, up to and including the Vatican (i’m being serious).

I take a break and check my email. Rep’s Chief of Staff: “Ummm. If something came up, that’s cool, but the Rep has left for another meeting now.”

THE MEETING WAS ON WEDNESDAY … NOT ON THURSDAY.

I scream things that I should probably confess so as to not have to continue my time on the PTA.

I have Gemini write me an apology and a request for another timeslot. I also might have shit in my pants. It was all fuzzy.

It was also not lost on me that, as the VP of his kid’s PTA, I had also managed to blow off my own constituent.

(I told you I probably wasn’t handling this funky school schedule well.)

I am granted an audience for yesterday.

I get there an hour early.

I walk into the meeting room ready to confess I’m friends with Cliff Lungaretti and various other high school friends of his.

I …

What?

What’s my Guardians Guy on the Street doing here?

Oh … you know … just being the Chief of Staff for my State Representative.

First 20 minutes of the meeting was about how we’d been talking baseball on the street for 3 years with no clue who the other one was, and then how I was a Guardians fan, and then West Texas, and then Willie Nelson, and then Americana versus Country music.

I think we’re going to get our patrol car out there working these mean streets.

That’s just about all I’ve got.

Zan, The floor is all yours.

Way to bring it all the way back to Guardians guy. I was wondering where that story was going for a while there but what an ending. I love it when you find someone in the wild with the same passions as you. It’s such a male thing to talk about sports with someone and never catch their name. It doesn’t always have such a happy ending, though!

There is a local cafe I have been going to for the past three years on my lunch break for an afternoon pick me up and one day last year, I happened to be wearing a Liverpool kit into the shop when the guy taking my order couldn’t contain himself and asked me in his very british accent what the score was in the match. I said it was 1-nil just before I left and he delightfully punched the air with an enthusiastic “Up the Reds!” before handing me my Americano. Random sidenote, some cafes in Toronto have started referring to Americanos as Canadianos since the orange man’s tariff drama came into practice earlier in the year and I find it absolutely hilarious.

I saw that British guy for a few months almost every week and we’d discuss everything Liverpool for the five minutes that I waited for my coffee. He loved Darwin Nunez and I can only imagine his broken heart when Liverpool sold him this summer. “He’ll either bottle one from five yards out or score an overhead kick from the halfway line, that Nunez,” he used to say.

Then summer came and he vanished. No goodbye, no forwarding address, just a new barista where our ritual used to live. I never found out his name, never got his socials. I am assuming he moved or got a job elsewhere, but not every friend you meet ends up being the Chief of Staff for your State Representative.

This disappearance reminded me of another kind of loss; the wound that we carry when our heroes abandon us. I don’t know about you, but I feel quite icky about the whole Alexander Isak situation. I’m thrilled that he’s a Liverpool player, but I hate the way he became one because it reminds me of the trauma I went through when Fernando Torres forced his way into a transfer to Chelsea 15 years ago. He was my beacon of hope, the man who filled my heart with utter joy whenever he scored a goal and he chose to join one of Liverpool’s most hated rivals at that point in time. I imagine there are kids, teenagers and adults all across Newcastle who feel the same way about Alexander Isak.

The guys at The Rest Is Football discussed it extensively a few weeks ago and I agree with Alan Shearer in that it was one thing if his contract was due to expire but he still had three years remaining! It seems all too familiar that Isak’s reasoning was that Newcastle made promises that they didn’t keep – mirroring a lot of what Torres said when he forced his way out of Liverpool – but the contrast of Isak and Wissa forcing their way out of Newcastle with that of Marc Guehi was a sad reality of the world we live in. Guehi’s contract is expiring at the end of the season and he was all set to join Liverpool for 35M pounds, leaving with dignity and respect before the deal fell through on deadline day because Crystal Palace could not secure a replacement central defender. While some players forced their way out through the back door, Guehi waited honourably by the front door, only to find it locked at the final moment.

These parallel stories teach us something about human connection. Some relationships are meant to be brief but beautiful and others are meant to endure but we rarely get to choose which ones stay and which ones fade. Whether it’s a friendly barista or a football hero, whether they leave quietly or dramatically, it’s important to treasure the connections we have while we still have them. Because sometimes you end up with Guardians guy as the Chief of Staff for your state representative and other times, you end up just waiting in line at a coffee shop, scrolling through your phone rather than talking about Liverpool Football Club.

Besides the Liverpool match this weekend, I’ll have an eye on Arsenal v Nottingham Forest to see how Ange makes his triumphant return to the Premier League and I’ll take a peek at Fulham v Leeds. Fulham had some sneaky nice additions on deadline day and it will be interesting to see how they begin to mesh together as the season gets into full swing.

Get your red hot football here:

Saturday, September 13

7:30 AM

Arsenal vs. Nottingham Forest | USA Network, Universo

10:00 AM

AFC Bournemouth vs. Brighton & Hove Albion | Peacock

Crystal Palace vs. Sunderland | Peacock

Everton vs. Aston Villa | Peacock

Fulham vs. Leeds United | USA Network, Universo

Newcastle United vs. Wolverhampton Wanderers | Peacock

2:30 PM

West Ham United vs. Tottenham Hotspur | NBC, Peacock, Universo

3:00 PM

Brentford vs. Chelsea | USA Network

Sunday, September 14

9:00 AM:

Burnley vs. Liverpool | USA Network, Telemundo

11:30 AM:

Manchester City vs. Manchester United | Peacock

My oldest open browser tab

Ok, it’s not actually open, but I have had it bookmarked for a year.

84 Ways to Behave Online

Seems relevant to our interest down here at the moment.

And from the worlds of AI and Fantasy Football,I give you:

Earth, Wind and Harry Maguire

Take care of yourself and each other.

I won’t have to tell you this is Colby, but this is. And it’s time we Statesers get ahead of something. For a change.

Honestly, the second dreadful thought I had when Trump won last fall was, “it’s going to be insufferable when 2026 rolls around and these are the fucking idiots in charge of how we celebrate the 250th anniversary of the American Revolution.”

I did not expect the assault on history to begin so soon.

Last weekend, we moseyed over to the Old Stone House here in Brooklyn. It was the commemoration of the 249th Anniversary of the Battle of Brooklyn. For those unfamiliar (or who took 4 years of Texas history in school) the Battle of Brooklyn is really the Alamo moment of the Revolution. Four hundred Marylanders strategically retreated and slowed the advance of the British Army so that Washington could escape. Lest the Revolution would have been lost on the spot.

Two hundred and fifty six of the 400 were killed that day. Most of the rest died in the prison ships in Brooklyn Harbor. More Revolutionary troops died in those prison ships than the rest of the fighting combined, and New York City remained under British control until the end of the war. But Washington lived to fight another day. Which, as a docent said last weekend, made it a strategic victory. (trying to wrap my head around that)

So at this ceremony, I notice an all too familiar sight: a guy in an Arsenal shirt.

“Uhhh … my guy. This Arsenal on your shirt. This Royal Arsenal. This collection of weapons and military equipment stored by a country, person, or group. This collection of weapons and military equipment stored for the Royal British Army. What do you think it was doing in 1776?”

Was a text I sent a friend.

And then I noticed the gunner had moved and was standing directly on my left side. Shoulder to shoulder. I’m probably lucky he had already demonstrated he has no situational awareness. No one really wants to get into a scrape at an American Revolution commemoration.

Also, to clear some things up: I am not saying you can’t support Arsenal or City or any team that calls to you. Go for it. But just think a little. Like if there was a Brooklyn Society of Italian Football hosting a Heysel Stadium disaster, I probably wouldn’t wear a Liverpool shirt to it. I understand that while I might not be seen as the enemy, per se, I might be seen as not understanding the history.

Also, yes. Arsenal did have a match that day. In fact, it had kicked off 30 minutes before this dude strolled up to me in an Arsenal shirt at an American Revolution commemoration.

You wouldn’t wear blue to a Bloods rally. You shouldn’t wear an Arsenal shirt to A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G. related to the American Revolution.

So, as a joint endeavor with our friends at Caught Offside, we’re starting a don’t wear your Arsenal gear to American Revolution commemorations awareness drive. Which does need some branding help cause it rolls off the tongue worse than Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For the Cure.

Cmon.

Speaking of jamming a lot in, going backwards, today we are Tampa and 5 minutes from walking out for the Zoo. We’re here to celebrate my daughter’s 4th birthday with inlaws. This kid … man … more on that over the next 20 years or so.

Thursday. Yesterday, we flew down here.

Wednesday was the NYC Baseball Equinox1. 1:05 PM. Nationals at Yankees. Featuring the bottom of the third when the Nationals pitchers set a Pitch Track Era record with 77 pitches in half an inning. Post game watching Man U lose in PKs to … Dunder Mifflin, I think it was. 7:05 PM. Phillies at Mets. Watch Nolan McLean become the first Mets pitcher ever to win his first 3 starts. Start getting compared to Randy Johnson and shit.

Tuesday. Wife went to the US Open which gave me all the solo parenting and carefully negotiating my way around all the near meltdowns in public into the ice cream store and onto hours of meltdowns in private. Joys.

Monday. Newcastle 2 - LFC 2 3 That Liverpool finish. Where I turned to my wife in the backyard of the Monro at the 106th minute and said, “I’m going to the bathroom now, and when we score, I’m just going to stay in there for luck.”

I swear that’s true.

How about that finish, Zan? I believe I can quote you as saying, “LFGGTG LFGGG.”

ZR: There is nothing more frustrating than someone who lacks situational awareness, and by frustrating, I mean you want to give them a good, old-fashioned knuckle sandwich. It's one of those universal annoyances that, if you're lucky, can bring two people closer together, like a shared experience of watching a friend fail miserably at trying to parallel park a car.

I have been a devoted Liverpool supporter for about 25 years. I will never forget the pure joy I felt when my aunt in London sent me my first football kit in 2002. It was the first one I had ever owned, and I wanted to wear it everywhere. As luck would have it, Eid was approaching. It's a holiday in the Muslim calendar where everyone goes to the Mosque, regardless of their level of religiousness. With no second thoughts, I decided to wear my brand-new Liverpool kit to the morning prayers. It was my fanciest, shiniest, newest top, and I wanted the whole world to see how cool I was.

Looking back, wearing a shirt with a giant CARLSBERG logo to a place of worship where drinking alcohol is forbidden probably wasn't the brightest idea. God must have been having a good laugh at this confused boy wearing a beer shirt to Eid prayers. There was probably even an adult version of me in the mix that day, wondering who let that kid wear a beer shirt to the mosque. You live and you learn, I suppose.

Speaking of wearing embarrassing clothes2, I was at a coffee shop this week and spotted a guy wearing a Manchester United track top. I couldn't resist going up to him and asking, "How are you wearing that out in public today?" with a laugh. It's always a treat to see football kits out in the wild in Toronto. These days, they've become more of a fashion statement, but you can usually tell when someone is a true supporter or just wearing it for style. This guy simply laughed, bowed his head, and said, "I am embarrassed, but I still have to support my club." I respected that wholeheartedly. If someone is still a Manchester United supporter in 2025, you know they're loyal to their core.

As Liverpool supporters, what an absolute delight it has been to witness their fall from grace over the past decade. It's starting to reach Fernando-Torres-on-Chelsea territory, where I'm almost starting to feel bad for them, though. They recently lost to fourth-division side Grimsby in the Carabao Cup, which, according to thisReddit post, was the most lopsided loss in English history. They've really spiraled since Sir Alex Ferguson left the helm, and it doesn't look like things will turn around anytime soon.

That's why I will be glued to the screen for the potential six-point relegation battle between Manchester United and Burnley this weekend. If United doesn't get a result, I really don't know where they go from here, especially since they just hired Rubin Amorim less than a year ago. Do they bring back Jose Mourinho now that he's unemployed? Or maybe Ole Gunnar Solskjær? (I spelled that right on the first try, somehow.) Only time will tell, but I will certainly be rooting for the Clarets on Saturday.

As for Liverpool, what a result on Monday night. They played horribly and still managed to get a winner in the dying moments from a 16-year-old kid. How can you not be romantic about football? In all the excitement, I texted Colby, "LFGGTG LFGGG," which I'm pretty sure had a random 'T' that snuck its way in there. At the 98th minute, I was about to give up and go to the bathroom but thank goodness I didn't.

The goal from Rio was brilliant, and every single Liverpool player touched the ball in the buildup except for Dominik Szoboslai, and I think his lack of a touch was the most brilliant part of the play. Szobo has been amazing to watch, and it's little moments like the layoff in the 100th minute that make me wish he stays a Red forever.

They'll head to the Emirates this weekend for a huge early-season test against Arsenal. It will be fun to see how the top two teams in the league battle it out, which will nicely parallel the Blue Jays-Brewers series for me. I feel like both teams will play conservatively this early in the season, and we'll end up with a 2-2 draw. Let's just hope Arsenal doesn't pull off the victory because their fans will be absolutely insufferable if they do. Are Liverpool fans that insufferable as well? Are all fans insufferable at a certain point?

Shower Thought: How many teams are actually called "United" in England? We have Manchester, Leeds, and Newcastle in the Premier League alone. How many more can you name? The only other one that comes to mind right now is Sheffield United, bringing us to four.

Colby:

To this week’s action:

Saturday, August 30, 2025

7:30 AM.

Chelsea vs Fulham USA Network, Universo

10:00 AM

Manchester United vs Burnley (Peacock) Is this a 6 point relegation match?

Tottenham Hotspur vs Bournemouth (Peacock) You know … there’s probably more -ham in the English football pyramid than there are Uniteds.

Sunderland vs Brentford (USA Network, Peacock, Universo) This has to be the biggest match up in Sunderland Brentford history.

Wolverhampton Wanderers vs Everton (Peacock) Wolves forever. (this weekend)

12:30 PM

Leeds United vs Newcastle United (NBC, Universo) So much United. So much bad football.

Sunday, August 31, 2025

9:00 AM

Brighton vs Manchester City (Peacock) Hemingway talked about staring into the face of the white bull when he had an empty page and he couldn’t figure out how to fill it. I realized I have nothing to say about this match.

Nottingham Forest vs West Ham United (USA Network, Telemundo) It’s going to be a damned shame if Forest falls apart because Nuno can’t keep biting his tongue about his absolutely nutso owner.

11:30 AM

Liverpool vs Arsenal (USA Network, Telemundo) I hold no hope we’ll start out with 9 points of the first three matches.

12:00 PM

Inlaws decided to have the kid’s birthday party now so I can watch Texas-Ohio State on Saturday. Them telling me this was how I learned Texas will be playing Ohio State on Saturday. Thanks. I guess. A reminder for us all to always ask people what help they want before you help them. I might have to fake leprosy or something so I can hole up in the bedroom and watch this.

2:00 PM

Aston Villa vs Crystal Palace (USA Network) Don’t these seem like magical places? A villa … a palace made of crystal.

And now. With the magic of Dad Jokes, Fantasy Football and AI, I bring you …

Take care of yourself and each other.