Date Me
Updated: 01-01-24
Hello! I'm writing this doc to participate in a movement called date me docs. Others have them too, but this one is mine. 😄
General
I'm a 42 year old, masc-presenting, agender, poly (solo-poly), kinky (bottom), AuDHD human residing in downtown San Diego, California. I'm as single as a dollar bill, and live alone with my 2 cats (17) and my little dog (16).
I was in a LTR for 15 years (no kids, no marriage) which ended 4 years ago. I've been purposely single during that time and have been working on understanding who I am, what I want to be, and how I want to connect with others. I've gone to therapy, read a ton of books, and learned about my brand of neuro-spicyness. In short, I've "done the work", and I continue to do the work everyday.
So now that I feel ready, I'm looking for deep connections with others who also desire a deep connection, and then giving space and time to allow each connection to become what it is meant to be.
Children
I made a choice a few years back that I don't want kids or to start a family (✂️). I closed that door to open others. It's great if you have kids so long as they're grown up and independent, or don't want to involve me in parenting.
Interests
I love computers, programming, electronics (by way of Eurorack synths), music, concerts, walks, and reading. Nearly every night I'll go for a 5 mile walk around downtown. I time it so that the sun is setting. This is my personal development time, and I use it to reflect on life, enjoy the scenery, or listen to an audio book.
Jorbs
- Web engineer for 11 years.
- Started as an apprentice and quickly worked my way up to senior.
- Owned my own SEO/affiliate marketing business building websites for myself for 3 years.
- ANSI certified Nuclear Chemistry Technician for 5.5 years at the local nuclear power plant.
- 2 years in training and 3.5 years on duty, weekend graves 6pm-6am (brutal).
- Medical billing office where I eventually maintained their billing database.
- Random starter jobs, like everyone else.
My Flavor of Neurospicy 🌶️
A year ago I realized I was autistic (41), so I'm one of them late bloomers. I identify more with the term Aspergers, but that's an outdated term, so "Autism Spectrum Disorder" (ASD) it is! From wikipedia:
Asperger's syndrome formerly described a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties in social interaction and nonverbal communication combined with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests.
Luckily my interests (computers and the internet) coincideded with a great career, and while unstructured social time with unfamiliar crowds is my kryptonite, I do well with smaller groups that I know, or long term relationships, platonic or otherwise. At work I am known for being a "lead from behind" leader, a team player, and I get along with everyone.
I also have ADHD inattentive type, but that hasn't stopped me from reaching goals, teaching myself, learning, and doing well with my careers.
Personality
I'm very rarely serious, though work is an exception, and most things out of my mouth are attempts at dry humor.
I love inside jokes; the kind where I off-handedly mention something we talked about weeks prior that catches you off-guard. Those takes time to build. That time allows me to get a sense of your brand of humor so I can deliver the content you crave™.
People have said I have a calming presence, and that I make them feel safe. I've found people very quickly open up to me and I honor that by responding empathetically and keeping our discussions just between us. I've been known to have deep conversations with the people in the seat next to me on trains and planes.
Sexuality/Relationship Style
I identify with the terms demi-sexual and demi-romantic. Rather than a "strong emotional connection", as the typical definition goes, I need to understand the context of our relationship and feel comfortable with where it fits into both our lives before progressing to physical intimacy. This could be an NSA/FWB arrangement, or a multi-month period of slowly increasing intimacy. The important part for me is for us to feel comfortable with the situation with all the cards laid out on the table.
I'm attracted to people who are femme leaning, though I'm open to any experience where I feel comfortable.
I'm well read on poly and kink, but only have a little practical experience. I've been to a few munches, to a fetish club abroad, I've seen a professional, I participate in online communities, and I attended a femdom play party. I'd love to do more! Yes, I have a fetlife. Hopefully you do too!
What I'm proud of
- Honors/AP/IB Diploma (though crashed and burned 1st year college)
- VP of the swing dance club in high school
- Played percussion/marched drumline from 6th grade through high school
- Played bass in a band for 6 years including at Belly Up a few times
- Taught myself to program and ended up with a lovely career
- Powerlifted for 4.5 years
- 1000 pound club member (370 squat, 225 bench, 405 deadlift)
What you're signing up for (cons)
- While I enjoy going out sometimes, I also require plenty of unstructured alone/quiet time. This partially explains my solo-poly slant. One of my relationship "slots," if you will, is taken up by my need to recharge. This caused incredible friction in my previous LTR, but at the time I did not understand where the need came from (🌶️) or how to communicate the need in an understandable way.
- I enjoy being around people, but engaging with them in a heartfelt manner tires me out. I'm happy to be involved in plans, but don't expect me to be the life of the party. I do best with small groups (2-4) of people I know well.
- I eat pretty plain and on a routine. I'm down to go to restaurants, and try new dishes, but I'm far from a foodie. I eat to live, not live to eat. I can cook and follow recipes (I watched a lot of cooking shows as a kid) but tend not to do so for myself.
- I become quiet when emotionally overwhelmed, or during conflicts, and, if pressed, become passive aggressive. Now that I'm aware of how my brain works, my own needs, and where they come from (🌶️), I hope I can communicate those needs clearly. Something to the effect of "I need to go for a walk to reset and we can talk when I get back."
Long Term Goals
If and when I decide to "settle down" and buy a place, it'll have a view and and space for a workshop/hobby area. I imagine a CNC machine, 3D printer, a small electronics lab, music equipment, and whatever else you'd like to add!
In my later years, I could see myself mentoring youths, perhaps by teaching programming courses. I could also see fostering elderly dogs and providing them with comfort as they pass into their next stage of existence.
Images
Contact Me
If any of this resonates with you, or you just want to chat or recommend me a book or album that changed your life, please email: lambda@omg.lol
Hope to hear from you!