As The Word Churns | Mark Armstrong | Substack

Scream, Gibber, and Howl: How We Got from Big Bang to Big Tech

A 3-minute summary of 13.8 billion years of so-called evolution

Jul 16, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Do you like to laugh? Snicker? Be amused?? You've come to the right place-- click here! ➡️

Recent posts

Did George Washington Really Identify As A Woman??

History can be a real drag

Feb 16 • Mark Armstrong

Fronds With Benefits: A Valentine's Day Love Story

Sometimes it pays to keep a low profile at parties

Feb 13 • Mark Armstrong

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Space Tourism

But didn’t have the g-force to ask

Feb 6 • Mark Armstrong

Alas, these encounters never end well...

Jan 27 • Mark Armstrong

Less Color, More Shared Humanity

Because the last thing the world needs is more division

Jan 19 • Mark Armstrong

I'm going LONG in 2026, and so should YOU

Jan 13 • Mark Armstrong

What It Means If Your Baby Draws Pictures Of Mark Armstrong

What could cause such deviant behavior??

Jan 6 • Mark Armstrong

I Walk The Streets On New Year’s Eve

And I meet some real deep thinkers, much like myself

Dec 30, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Short Stories

Fronds With Benefits: A Valentine's Day Love Story

Sometimes it pays to keep a low profile at parties

Feb 13 • Mark Armstrong

I Walk The Streets On New Year’s Eve

And I meet some real deep thinkers, much like myself

Dec 30, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Death Stalks the Mistletoe Mall

Sometimes it takes attempted murder for true love to blossom

Dec 22, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Christina Aguilera Saves Christmas

Wassail, wassail, all over the internet

Dec 4, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Stay Where You Are, We Will Find You

Not if I can help it, you won't

Nov 1, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Microfiction

I'm going LONG in 2026, and so should YOU

Jan 13 • Mark Armstrong

My Plan For Turning Back The Clocks And How It Blew Up On Me

You can overthink these things, especially if you're an idiot

Nov 3, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Almost True Stories

Gremlins Kept Killing My Christmas Tree Lights

When I was a kid, I spent most of one December in a drug store window

Dec 9, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

How The Best Halloween Trick of All Time Went Down the Toilet

Or how to be naughty and stupid at the same time

Oct 28, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

The Little Trick-Or-Treater Who Saw His Chance And Took It

I'd've done the same

Oct 27, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Fall Golf and Little Green Apples

Long ago, on a golf course not that far, far away

Sep 29, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Listicles

Did George Washington Really Identify As A Woman??

History can be a real drag

Feb 16 • Mark Armstrong

The Joys, Dangers, and True Horrors of Bringing in Firewood

How to survive it all, and maybe even enjoy it

Sep 9, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

A Revealing Visit to a Nudist Colony

Where you can be opinionated, but not clothes-minded

Aug 25, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

A Poison Apple Primer

Go on, take a big bite…

Aug 1, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

Reflections

Less Color, More Shared Humanity

Because the last thing the world needs is more division

Jan 19 • Mark Armstrong

5 Ways to Get a Better Obituary

You may even get some good press BEFORE you’re dead

Oct 24, 2025 • Mark Armstrong

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